I believe this was written in a fit of boredom and was posted to this site's message board by Nobody in early 1998.

Posted as Your Glorious Hero - Roger Waters

Hmm...never been on one of these bloody things before! I was quite surprised to see myself on the Internet. I just now realized what a humongrous honker I still have. I assume all of you worship me like your idol...and rightfully so! Everyone should be made to bow down to rather large statues of my likeness in public squares! There was never a better songwriter than me! Never mind that bollocks I said before about John Lennon. I can write circles around any of those bloody wankers on MTV with their hats on backwards! Speaking of that, a fellow who went by the name of Dr. Dre tried to shoot me the other day! I informed him of who I was, and he said he was a fan! He asked me for my autograph, and address, so that he could write me in the future! I was flattered, and gave him my address. When I returned home, my house had been robbed! I suspect it was David Gilmour that did it. Speaking of that bloody wanker, I recently composed a tribute to him I felt my fans might enjoy. I only have the lyrics with me at the moment. Here they are:

Dine On You Famous Fatass

Remember when you were thin
You ran like the wind
Dine on you famous fatass
Now there's a steak on your plate
Like you need to gain weight?
Dine on you famous fatass
You got lodged in the armchair
You stuck to the leather
Grown horizontally
Come on you eater of chocolate candy
Come on you eater
Of hot dogs
And sundaes
And dine!

You reached to the freezer too soon
You cried for a spoon
Dine on you famous fatass
Hampered by clothes grown too tight
Lost the talent to write
Dine on you famous fatass
Well you wore out your britches
With many fish dishes
Screamed for some real cheeze
Come on you fatty
You eater of waffles
Come on you eater
Of pasta
And sauces
And dine!

Nobody knows what you are
A walrus or car?
Dine on you famous fatass
Pile on many more layers
Don't forget the tomatoes!
Dine on you famous fatass
And you'll bask in the dim glow
Of refridgerators
Eat until you burst
Come on you big boy
You plus-sized guitarist
Come on you consumer of pork chops and Triscuits
And dine!

I found these lyrics to be quite fitting. I wonder why Dave threatened me with legal action when I read them to him? I tried to call back, but that bloody ankle-biter of his hung up on me. Well, I'm not sure if I'm doing this right, I've never posted anything on the Internet before...

Resident psychopath,

Roger Waters

P.S. The name of my next album shall be Musings of a Misunderstood Artistic Genius. It will have a new lyrical twist--the story of a boy whose father dies in the war. Wait a minute, haven't I written that before? Me brain's a scrambled egg, mate...

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