Two things that have haunted me most are the days of (?) when I had to collect the paybooks, and when I left Bill Hubbard in no-man's-land.
I was picked up and taken into their trench. And I'd no sooner taken two three steps down the trench when I heard, "Ho Hello Razz, I'm glad to see you! This is my second night here," he said "I'm feeling bad." And it was Bill Hubbard, one of the men we'd trained in England, one of the original battalion. I had to look at his wound, rolled him over. I could see that it was probably a fatal wound. You could imagine what pain he was in, he was drippin' with sweat. And after I'd gone about three shell-holes, traversed that, had it been... had there been a path or a road, I could have done better.
He pummelled me, "Put me down, put me down, I'd rather die, I'd rather die, put me down."
I was hoping he would faint. He said, "I can't go any further, let me die." I said, "If I leave you here, Bill, you won't be found. Let's have another go." He said, "All right then."
The same thing happened. He wouldn't... he couldn't stand it any more, and I had to leave him there. In no-man's-land.
/* Then the beating drums start, and here everything is very chaotic. There are different voices in the background. A TV (or radio) commentator is talking, but what he's saying is not clear and at the same time there is a crowd shouting slogans in arabic. Also, a baby is crying. */And then what !!!! why don't you ever help me? You all the time leave me alone at home and go join your fat friends in your endless useless discussions...
I work for you and your family from dawn to dusk, and you don't give a damn!
I badly need to rest, I just wish the devil's angel will soon come and take me with him...
Reached back for the bottleI went and buy a... a gas bottle. At first I wanted to buy a big one, but then I hadn't got enough money. So I had to buy a smaller one. And I think if I bought a bigger one, then it would have been... the way I wanted it.
And then, er, we went down, and ahm, I put the children to bed and I tidied the flat and everything and then...and they were asleep and everything was a kind of at night. I made a bed in the bathroom. I carried them there and put on the gas bottle.
But today when I think a back peh.. about that if God did take me, then I would've been in hell because I wasn't right
Amused itself to deathAnd I felt relieved. And ever since then I've felt... happy about it, because always before, whenever I thought of him, I was searching myself; "Was there something else that I could have done?"
Woman interviewer:And that always sort of worried me. But having seen him, and his name in the register; As you know in the memorials there's a little safe, and there's a register in there with every.. every name... And seeing his name and his name on the memorial.. It sort of lightened.. lightened my heart, if you like.